Archive | September 11, 2014

GFQ Results! Women don’t chose who they are going to be with…

Sep11

Another oldie but goodie!

On April 20th 2010 this question went out….

This morning on the TJMS Jaqui was interviewing a newswoman (Julia Yarborough)  who quit her job and her and her girlfriend are on a tour in search of a man. (No joke…here is the site:http://single-woman.tv/2010/04/miami-news-anchor-leaves-lucrative-job-and-hits-the-highway-in-search-of-a-husband) in the interview she said that men have told her that in reality women don’t chose who they are going to be with…the men do.

So Girlfriends is this statement  True or False?

….and the Girlfriends responded:

  • “False, false and false.  Women just let men THINK they are choosing us.  It’s just that we most often regret the choices we make in men.”
  • “True and false -Both have to choose the other because if one rejects the other (regardless of the sex), then the other is never chosen.”
  • “The men who have told her that are single.  I’d bet money.”

What about you….what thought do you have under your brim?

GFQ Results – Difference between Naughty and Nasty!

Sep11

While migrating all of the posts over the Girlfriend Question of the Day page is up for moving…..I forgot how funny these were!!!  Oldie but goodie. Enjoy!

Here are the results from the April 9th Girlfriend Question!!!

Girlfriend Question

Girlfriend Question

The question (fill in the blank):

The difference between naughty and nasty is__________.

…and here are the results (hold on to your hat….we are not here to judge!!!)

  • one is quality and the other quantity.
  • the story he tells his friends
  • The players involved!
  • time and place.
  • the expiration date.
  • the audience.
  • fa-breeze and bleach.
  • Naughty is when you forget to take a shower, and nasty is when you just don’t want to.
  • Naughty is playing footsie under the table at a restaurant, Nasty is getting under the table.

It’s not too late, share your thoughts from under YOUR brim!

Do You Feel Guilty as a Working Mom? Scripture provides encouragement as you work and raise a family

Sep11

Do You Feel Guilty as a Working Mom?

 Source: Blog | American Bible Society News
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My alarm rings and I get out of bed, grab both kids and head downstairs for breakfast (juice and a cereal bar for myself). After I feed the kids, I turn the TV on, hoping 20 minutes of cartoons will give me enough time to shower and get dressed.

working-motherIt doesn’t. I have to mediate an argument between my 3-year-old son and my 13-month-old daughter, get them dressed, in the car, (big sigh!) and off to school. Both kids settle in their classrooms, and I even manage to bring the diapers, wipes and sunscreen permission slip!

Now off to work. I arrive at my cubicle in time to send out an email with the agenda and PowerPoint presentation for tomorrow’s meeting. And it’s only 9:47 am!

If this sounds like a typical morning to you, then you probably have the dual responsibility of maintaining a busy career while raising children. Yes, you’re a working mom.

And for whatever reason–whether you need the income or you love what you do—raising a family and having a career is not easy. On any given day, you may feel frustrated, exhausted, stressed.

One emotion I feel is GUILT.

Even after months of doing the get-the-kids-off-to-school-then-go-to-work routine, I continually question myself: Am I making the right choice? Will my kids be OK? Am I spending too much time away from them? Will they recognize me when I pick them up?

After several melt downs and many tears in the ladies’ room, I turn to the Bible. The words of Isaiah 40:11 strike me: “He carries the lambs in his arms while gently leading the mother sheep.”Whoa! This is the comfort I need–to know that he, the Great I Am, leads me today and every day. As I consider this verse, other thoughts come to mind:

He loves me.
He loves my children.
He’s helping me.
He’s guiding our futures.
He’s GENTLE with me as I work my way through this phase of life.

So whenever you’re feeling guilty about working, remember this: You may never master the art of balancing career while raising children, but you have a God who fills in the gaps. He will hold your hand and gently lead you through each day.

As for your children, commit them into his hands, open the Bible and claim these promises:

  1. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
    Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
  2.   “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.”
    John: 10:27-28 (NIV)
  3. “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved – you and your household.”
    Acts 16:31 (NIV)
  4. “All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace.”
    Isaiah 54:13 (NIV)
NenaPodburyNena Podbury is a project associate at American Bible Society. Originally from the Bronx, she served in children’s ministry for 12 years doing Sidewalk Sunday School. She has co-authored children’s curriculum called “Transformation Station” and is a contributing author to Reach Up Magazine which seeks to empower and enrich today’s inner city woman. Nena is married with two children, Noah and Emilia.

My Thinking Cap and The Butler

Sep11

The Movie “The Butler” & my Thinking Cap

I am destined for great things, opportunities and everyday offers adventures! Most recently there was an opportunity to pre-screen a movie before it was available for the ‘public’ ….well that just played right into my Diva-ness. A Movie Premier! Me! Ooohhh, I’m so excited!!. In my mind, I was going to walk the red carpet dressed in Hollywood Glam. There would be an awesome backdrop for me to have my picture taken, while smiling and doing the Ms. America wave.

Well, it didn’t quite look that way. It looked more like me getting out of my car at the King of Prussia theater, walking in with my co-worker, complaining at the price of popcorn and snacks, (no I didn’t by anything) and going in the theater marked “Special Event” for a seat.

OOOOhhh I am soooo excited to see this! THE BUTLER! I’ll try not to ruin it for you if you have not seen it as share my thoughts, rather my experience. Continue reading →

Do you Wear a Halo or a Hoodie?

Sep11

Do you Wear a Halo or Hoodie?

A universal comment that I find when having an honest conversation with people about a relationship with God is that they consider church folk – phoney.   The sad part is that in some cases they are right. Have we become so heavenly minded that we are of no earthly good? Did we forget that Christ met us at our needs no  matter where it was – the crack house, whore house, another woman’s/man’s house, the Hungry-house, the Poor House ….you get the point. The challenge is even more strenuous if there is a title in front of your name. Does the Reverend, Minister, First Lady, Pastor….(whichever the title) wear a Halo or a Hoodie?

One of the most scariest times of my life was when I went into the prison. I know that I am to reach out to Domestic Abuse survivors no matter where they are so I went. Yup I said it, I was nervous, scared. Don’t judge me and toss scripture, I know God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear but hearing those doors slam shut sent a shiver up my human spine, so I prayed.  As I went in with my Bible and my little handouts, I prayed that God would have His way even  while walking through the glass doors that lead into the lobby.  As I entered, my heals clacked and echoed off of the lockers and high ceiling filling the emptiness as I approached the round glass encased security-desk. The air even felt empty as if people walk through those doors and give up all hope, compassion, dreams, ideas….just empty acceptance of the fate behind those bars.

I present my ID, get my locker and go into the smaller waiting room where empty eyes of visiting relatives, friends and community programs glance over. I stop being so nervous as I look at how many broken families are represented in those 10-15 people sitting here. What are we doing for them? Praise dancing on Sunday and passing judgment on Monday? God are we so heavenly minded that we are really not doing any earthly good. Have we as salt, lost our savor?

The iron bars closing at the door where I just walked through, interrupt my thoughts and the sound made my heart race.  HERE WE GO!!  I watch waaaaaayyyy to much television and my imagination is very active (hey—don’t judge) because as that gate slammed shut sealing my ‘out’ and the other iron monster began to open up our access into the hallway of the prison, I started to see shanks, riots and SWAT all at once (in my head of course). I’m careful to walk down the hallway smack dab in the middle (even though I am the only one in it) so that the camera can see me….hmmmm what if they went to lunch and there is no one there.  The bars behind me have closed and I’ve walked what felt like a football field down the hall to the next gate which opens as soon as I get there (whew…there IS someone watching on the camera).

The classroom door is open and I go in and shut it behind me and then I pray again. I feel guilty for being afraid and for having a stereotype of the sisters that are coming into the room. I ask God to give me the words to say and that His daughters are brought closer to HIM.  I am so hyper alert at this point that when the 300 pound sister with the very short haircut grunted “I like your sweater” I almost threw it at her and ran out the door.  (Ok, make that face as you read this if you want to, I told you I have a vivid imagination fueled by television). I didn’t even see faces, just heard voices and began to hyperventilate a little.  I kept repeating prayer in my head and as the Spirit calmed me and my system started to come back to normal, I began to focused on the women that were coming in the door (asking God to forgive me for judging and making assumptions) I realized that I knew some of these women! We made small talk and I am super conscious and careful to just show love and compassion but being honest like…’you KNOW that you have better things to do other than being in here’. Now I am more at ease and we had an awesome time discussing God’s word.

The preconceived ideas of what ‘they’ would be like had me shook but God sent me there to see that these women were just like me…. daughters, sisters, mothers and most of all HIS. I didn’t see criminals, I saw women who were behind tons of steel but were more free and had more of a free praise and Love for God than the Halo wearing church folks on the outside.

Yes, we  can say ‘whatsup?!’ when someone says ‘Hey gurl’ and know what is going on with music, language, artists…etc. and wear a hoodie without ‘losing our salvation’ or being ‘worldly’. In whatever we do, we can’t be one way on Sunday and another on Monday….don’t wear your Halo on Sunday and Hoodie on Monday making you so heavenly minded that you are no earthly good…or seen as phoney.  Being consistent and comfortable in who we are allows for effective ministry that is not judgmental yet honest, meets people where they are (financially, educationally, mentally) and is most certainly to HIS glory. By the way…the woman who complimented my sweater (let’s call her Kate)….the one that made me nervous. Was the greatest joy to have met. As a group we shared in break-throughs, we wrestled with God’s Word together and we celebrated Kate’s release armed with a stronger relationship with God, the sword to guide her,and the decision that she would not return. It’s been about 7 years since  my first prison experience and praise God….Kate has not returned and still praises God from under her hoodie.

Stop that SOUND!!!!

Sep11

depressed2The loud rushing sound in my ears was deafening.  I had to find it,  have to make that noise stop, have to find it so that it can just be QUIET!!!  I looked around the apartment, checked the refrigerator, the tv….no. Is it coming from outside? Maybe traffic on Upsal Street, there is a bus route here?  I check out of the windows…across the street at the other apartment complex….nothing. What in the hell is it??! Then it dawned on me that it was the sound the blood rushing through my body as I practically hyperventilated from the frantic search coupled with the schizophrenic beating of my heart.

His words were still bouncing around the apartment doing as much damage to me emotionally as if bullets were ricocheting and damaging the walls…..I’m leaving you. WHAT? I don’t know anyone here?! My family’s all pissed off because I moved and NOW he wants to leave? I can’t afford this place on my own? No one is really speaking to me. I could still feel the frozen look on my face as if botox injections had me stuck onhuh-nikka what???, as my brain went into overdrive trying to figure out what I did wrong.

My mouth open and closed soundlessly as a fish out of water, desperately gasping for air and then the sound….that deafening sound took over. I must look so stupid….but I love him! Looking at him from under my tattered brim the sound started to make sense, that sound that I wanted to silence….was the sound of my world crashing down around me as the only anchor I knew….was again threatening to pull away.

The Tennis Match Under my Brim

Sep11

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…….There’s a storm out…..over the ocean….and it’s mooooovvvvvvinnng thisa way………if your souls not ankered in Jeee-suss, you will shorrrl-eeeee, drift aaaaa-waaaaaayyy.

That is what was being sang….but what I heard were nails screeching down a chalkboard. I mentally smacked my lips, there is always that one who wants to make a Luther ooooh-hoooo-hooooohhhh sound messing up the whole song. As soon as I thought it, I could feel my lips turn into a thin straight line with a ) on the end of it. Without saying a word, I heard the look on my friend’s face (let’s call her Helene). It was saying girl….get that stank look off of your face, the whole church can see you. 

My brain went back and forth in a conversation within my own thoughts as if in a tennis match…the spiritual man jumped in…my focus is supposed to be on God, not on the LutherWannaBe or Fake Patti LaBelle. Jesus, help me to focus on you. Serve – My flesh fought it (right in the pulpit!) yeah, it would be a lot easier to focus on God if this foolishness wasn’t flouncing around in front of you. The spiritual side returned the thought over the net with power…Jesus said if I be lifted up, I will draw all men unto me. Where does it say anything about the people? Nothing so ignore them and shift your focus.

While this tennis match is going on in my head….my facial expression CANNOT change. If a fly lands on my nose, I cannot flinch. I can’t blink and have to constantly tell all of the players in the tennis match not to mess with the face so that it could keep one look on it and not distract anyone in the congregation. With all that going on in your head, how in the heck are you supposed to receive a word?

Not to mention that it is most certainly a skill and Lord knows not my gift.  Anyone who knew me well could read me with a glance. It was nothing for me to rebuke my kids with an eyebrow lift while walking to the microphone, turning to Proverbs to read the scripture lesson. Unfortunately, those who don’t know you and have decided that they don’t like you will read all kinds of craziness into you just using a tissue to wipe your eye. So you quickly learn as a First Lady, that you are expected to glue a smile on your face and nod in agreement like a bobble-head doll on the dashboard of a Jeep bouncing through the mountains. Whatever is going on in your head, you need to learn how to keep that under your brim.

Dating Expert Claims Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely

Sep11

While migrating our posts from our other site to here, there was discussions about keeping this one or letting it go. As the Diva of the crew I said to keep it so that we can discuss what the ‘experts’ say in our Girlfriend Question of the Day section.

So here it is….what do you think. Is this true or false….

SOURCE (EURWEB) Dating expert, advice columnist and author Deborrah Cooper blasts traditional Black churches and charges that they are the root cause for the high numbers of single Black women in the U.S.

With all the media coverage (CNN, Nightline, NY Times, ABC) of the “plight” of the single black woman, and the blaming of Black women for being single, this author felt it past time to examine other reasons which could be important contributors to this sad statistic:

“Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced.

It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females.

Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!

This is the true reason that there are so many single, never married Black women in the United States – Black churches. Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.

Single Black Females in Church

Black females have long been considered the backbone of the Black community and the cornerstone of their families and churches. But what is the real price Black women have paid to wear this crown of fool’s gold?

An examination of any congregation of the average Black church shows that single Black females fill the pews. Results of a recent study “African Americans and Religion” by the PEW Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life found that “African Americans are markedly more religious on a variety of measures than the U.S. population as a whole.”

Almost 90% of Black Americans express “absolutely certain belief in God” compared to just over 70% of the total U.S. population. Two other important statistics gleaned from this survey: (1) 80% of Black Americans report that religion is “very important” in their lives as compared to 57% of the general U.S. population; and (2) 55% of Black Americans report that they “interpret scripture literally” as compared to 32% of the general U.S. population.

The PEW study also reported that “Men are significantly more likely than women to claim no religious affiliation. Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation, compared with roughly 13% of women.”

The survey shows a distinct correlation between religion and social attitudes amongst African Americans. “African Americans who are more religiously observant (as defined by frequency of worship service attendance and the importance of religion in their lives), are more likely to oppose abortion and homosexuality, and more likely to report higher levels of conservative ideology.”

What Do The PEW Study Results Mean For Single Black Women?

They mean that:

  • Following the tenets of organized religion is not going to get you anywhere because men are generally not religious.
  • Going to church is not getting you the husband you seek.
  • Going to church is not making you more attractive and interesting to men.
  • Going to church is not where you are going to find eligible bachelors to date.
  • Going to church is not going to teach you to be fiscally responsible, investment savvy, or empower you to achieve greatness as a woman.
  • Going to church is not going to broaden your horizons, make you more tolerant and accepting of all God’s children, nor is it going to encourage you to be free of the chains of patriarchy and oppression of your feminine energy.

Going to church makes you a sheep, blindly following the mandates of a small group of men you have placed in your life in a position of power. Going to church makes you malleable and predictable, and narrows your thinking and thus limits your options.

Going to church for single Black women is a waste of time.

There ARE Single Men in Church, However…”

My Natural Hair: An Afro-Colombiana’s confession of love and acceptance

Sep11

We’ve all read stories and hair-tales of women who decided to grow their hair natural (meaning no chemical relaxers). I am

64a6f97893f708872f13ae69b02204151-200x300one of them. And currently going strong, two years in my natural-ness to be exact.

Though I have to admit, my initial reason to embark in this “journey” wasn’t entirely for deep and profound self-enlightenment. Yes, I wanted to embrace my natural beauty and appreciate the attributes I was born with. But in essence my main reasons for going natural were cost and the Afro-Centric social awareness which was happening around 2009; awareness such as, Chris Rock’s movie “Good Hair”.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a genuine desire to express myself as GOD has created me. But to “keep it real”, without the economical incentive, I may have never gotten over the hump from a thought to actually doing.

Nevertheless, regardless of how I got here the fact is that I am here. And I couldn’t be prouder for making the decision. The experience has been surprisingly empowering. My smile is a little bigger and my head is raised a bit higher. And yes, I know it’s not my natural hair giving me special powers. Lol can you imagine (Natural Woman!!). I think it’s simply being able to step out of my comfort zone that gave me the ability to say “hey I accept myself as I am” and THAT had a reflective effect on my self-image.

But I wouldn’t be telling the whole truth if I didn’t share how loving my kinkiness has come with its own set of challenges along the way. What challenges you ask, well…

–Like many young girls of color, my mother started straightening my hair when I was young. The idea of caring for my natural hair was foreign to me and I had to get reacquainted with my hair texture

–Although, natural hair care is suppose to be more cost effective, when you’re not knowledgeable of taking care of your hair you still end up spending money on services and products. And depending on where you go, natural hair services can cost more than regular services.

–Textured hair comes in many different curl patterns, I learned the hard way. Oh yea, I’m a mix of 4B and 4C texture

–Contrary to popular belief, kinkier hair is more prone to tangling and breakage. Making it more sensitive than any other hair texture

–Last but not least, HAIR SHRINKAGE!!!! (this is when moisture comes into contact and hair retracts from its elongated state to a tighter curl pattern.)

All in all, it took some trial and error. But ultimately after lots of patience I learned to care and LOVE my hair. I adore my curl pattern, my thickness and the styling versatility.

This is a decision I’m glad I made. One thing that has become abundantly clear to me is that everyone has an opinion about hair. Whether natural, chemically treated, weaved-up or whatever — do what makes YOU happy.

I’m proud to be an Afro-Latina. This is who I am – every kinky, thick, curly part of me.

Written by: Paola Gonzalez

Twitter: @Afro-Colombiana

http://blacklatinamovement.com/blog/

Under Her Brim extends special Thanks to Black Latina Movement for permission to share this with our readers!

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