Sooooooo……I attended an event this week that had me so livid, I shared the experience in a chat with my sisters who encouraged me to share it with you, so if you don’t like it, blame them. I started the conversation to them in a jokingly serious text “contrary to some opinion, I just left an event that made me walk away convinced that I am not THAT bourgeois” ( …sorry I think today it is splashed on tee-shirts misspelled as boojie).

Here is what happened: The commute to the beautiful venue was peaceful as I carpool karaoked at the top of my lungs with Eric Bellinger, tablet ready to write notes and participate in world changing discussions. Smugly looking at the frustrated faces of the commuters in the traffic leaving the city, I am relieved I was so smart to wait and come in later. I am now only 10 minutes away and parking is right next door. This is lovely….annnnndddd…..FULL STOP! If you were wondering the answer is yes….you most certainly CAN take 25 minutes to go two blocks.

Finally I arrive….greeted by the hostess, check coat, grab name tag and begin the ascent into heaven (it seems) going up the gadbillion stairs to the standing room event area.  Behold!! A standing room crowded with a sea of dark suits wearing name tags, stage, backdrop, a few highboys (so much for note taking)…..Wait!!! Is that food??!!!

I began navigating my way to the table of food. Nodding, smiling and shaking a few hands as I try not to look like I’m about to tuck a napkin in my shirt collar and hide in the corner with a full plate. To my chagrin, the smorgasbord I imagined through my no-glasses squint, turned out to be the complete opposite. In pretty dishes, elevated in varying heights on a black table cloth are  crackers that look like unleavened matzo topped curiously with goat cheese and a brown drizzle (later identified as possibly balsamic something or other), dried apricots (why??), salami, hard cheese with a lovely blue cheese crumble, more crackers a bowl of whole mushrooms floating in I don’t know what (again – WHY), bruschetta toast (nothing on top but at least there is a bottle of olive oil). For sheer survival, as I felt my blood glucose level plummeting, I grab a few pieces of the lunch-meat, cheese, some of the fancy mixed nuts and balance them on a tiny plate. Did I mention how much I despise mushrooms?

Don’t panic I tell myself just as I see people using forks. That is a great sign that there is more food. Next table…. YES, more food!! I nod and smile my way through the sea of suits wearing name tags, careful to not spill any of the mixed nuts balanced precariously on my tiny plate, to be greeted by the silver servers that promise hot food.  FINALLY!!! I walk up to the carving  of a very rare roast beef…nope. Pasta in a cream sauce with more of those whole ginormous mushrooms….nope. Did he just stick his entire hand in that bread?….pass.

Sigh….lemme go to one of the bars and get a cold (company name tag suddenly sticks to my hair) Sprite please.

Surely there is more. Must be after the speaker. One of the suits begins to speak on the microphone, introduces team, introduction of speaker and now the speaker. By now I am so hangry I am popping triangles of salami with bits of hard cheddar in my mouth like skittles with reckless abandon and very little class as the suit closes his speech and thanks us for coming.

Alarms go off as I munch on my last macadamia That’s it? There isn’t any more food???!!!  I SPRINT to coat-check (note – there is a long line) to grab my coat and head to the parking garage ($15). Finally, home…starving and heating up my leftover lunch willing the microwave to hurry.

Guess how much the ticket cost for this lovely evening.  I’ll wait….. TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY *&^% DOLLARS!! Yup. $250 for cheese and crackers (plus $15 for parking).  Afterwards I had to giggle as I reflected. I love how life is always an adventure. I met a few people and saw beautiful artwork; however, looking back on the evening I realized I am not as bourgeois as some would think as I  experience networking Under my Business Brim.