Tag Archive | dating

He’s Just Not that Into You

main-qimg-19ab6d46498b51f98313a0d69bb0df87My friends and I are all women of a certain age who agree to be over the dating scene. We have married and divorced, date, raised our families, loved, lost and are in the ‘I’m Every Woman era of ME’ rebuilding phase of our lives. One girls night-in we got together for movie night and continued the dating conversation over snacks with the silly shenanigans of a RomCom – He’s Just Not that Into You. Continue reading

GFQ: Would You Marry YOU?

As I drive along listening to the radio, the announcer shares her experience at a couples bride_mirrorretreat and then poses the question….Would YOU marry YOU?

Whether you are single, divorced, engaged or “it’s complicated” (thanks Facebook for a new ambiguous title to add to the relationship confusion) – the question itself is an excellent one for your personal assessment of YOU. Truth is, until you are comfortable with YOU and enjoy YOU….marriage should be the last thing on your mind. Continue reading

Be a Compliment Not a Complication

shutterstock_108457547-350x233Listening  to the radio in my car I heard Steve Harvey share the best quote. Ok, well one of the best (you know me…tomorrow may be a better one that will be the best). He shared from another listener “Be a compliment not a complication. Surround yourself with people who will compliment your life, not complicate it.”  That made me think…..in my relationships under the brims of the many hats that I wear as a mother, sister, girlfriend, cousin, daughter, friend, co-worker (to name a few) which column would I be put in — a compliment or a complication?  What do I bring to the table to compliment these relationships or are my intelligence, outgoing personality, charm & wit really complicating shenanigans?

Continue reading

Dating: The Problem Might NOT be What You Think!

Source: http://www.reachupmag.org/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=MPZ6PKo1NL8%3d&tabid=110&mid=569                         ReachUP Magazine Winter/Summer 2009


“Will you accept this rose?” You’ve probably heard these words uttered on ABC’s The Bachelor. I know, not a verybig_red_roses_closeup_picture_2_166713 good show to watch! But there is something special about watching people find love in such a magical way.

The media really has a way of enticing us to believe that love is a fairy tale, and we can find the man of our dreams in six weeks. They call it “reality TV,” only it’s not real, as many of you saw when Jason broke up with Melissa. Broken-hearted Melissa was left to ask the questions we’ve all asked ourselves before, “What did I do wrong?” “What’s wrong with me? “Why can’t I find love?”

This is the part where your best friend says, “Girl, it’s not you. He’s just a jerk!” But two or three jerks later, you need to realize the problem may not be him. The problem may be with you and the men you select.

We must be wise in the selection process. Ask yourself – how do you choose whom you date? Does he need to be tall, dark and handsome? Does he need to be career-driven and have a good job? Does he need to dress a certain way, talk a certain way,like to do the same things you do? Although all these things are important, they are not the most important when choosing a suitable dating partner. Continue reading

GFQ Results! Women don’t chose who they are going to be with…

Another oldie but goodie!


On April 20th 2010 this question went out….

This morning on the TJMS Jaqui was interviewing a newswoman (Julia Yarborough)  who quit her job and her and her girlfriend are on a tour in search of a man. (No joke…here is the site:http://single-woman.tv/2010/04/miami-news-anchor-leaves-lucrative-job-and-hits-the-highway-in-search-of-a-husband) in the interview she said that men have told her that in reality women don’t chose who they are going to be with…the men do.

So Girlfriends is this statement  True or False?

….and the Girlfriends responded:

  • “False, false and false.  Women just let men THINK they are choosing us.  It’s just that we most often regret the choices we make in men.”
  • “True and false -Both have to choose the other because if one rejects the other (regardless of the sex), then the other is never chosen.”
  • “The men who have told her that are single.  I’d bet money.”

What about you….what thought do you have under your brim?

Stop that SOUND!!!!

depressed2The loud rushing sound in my ears was deafening.  I had to find it,  have to make that noise stop, have to find it so that it can just be QUIET!!!  I looked around the apartment, checked the refrigerator, the tv….no. Is it coming from outside? Maybe traffic on Upsal Street, there is a bus route here?  I check out of the windows…across the street at the other apartment complex….nothing. What in the hell is it??! Then it dawned on me that it was the sound the blood rushing through my body as I practically hyperventilated from the frantic search coupled with the schizophrenic beating of my heart.

His words were still bouncing around the apartment doing as much damage to me emotionally as if bullets were ricocheting and damaging the walls…..I’m leaving you. WHAT? I don’t know anyone here?! My family’s all pissed off because I moved and NOW he wants to leave? I can’t afford this place on my own? No one is really speaking to me. I could still feel the frozen look on my face as if botox injections had me stuck onhuh-nikka what???, as my brain went into overdrive trying to figure out what I did wrong.

My mouth open and closed soundlessly as a fish out of water, desperately gasping for air and then the sound….that deafening sound took over. I must look so stupid….but I love him! Looking at him from under my tattered brim the sound started to make sense, that sound that I wanted to silence….was the sound of my world crashing down around me as the only anchor I knew….was again threatening to pull away.

Dating Expert Claims Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely

While migrating our posts from our other site to here, there was discussions about keeping this one or letting it go. As the Diva of the crew I said to keep it so that we can discuss what the ‘experts’ say in our Girlfriend Question of the Day section.

So here it is….what do you think. Is this true or false….


SOURCE (EURWEB) Dating expert, advice columnist and author Deborrah Cooper blasts traditional Black churches and charges that they are the root cause for the high numbers of single Black women in the U.S.

With all the media coverage (CNN, Nightline, NY Times, ABC) of the “plight” of the single black woman, and the blaming of Black women for being single, this author felt it past time to examine other reasons which could be important contributors to this sad statistic:

“Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced.

It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females.

Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!

This is the true reason that there are so many single, never married Black women in the United States – Black churches. Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.

Single Black Females in Church

Black females have long been considered the backbone of the Black community and the cornerstone of their families and churches. But what is the real price Black women have paid to wear this crown of fool’s gold?

An examination of any congregation of the average Black church shows that single Black females fill the pews. Results of a recent study “African Americans and Religion” by the PEW Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life found that “African Americans are markedly more religious on a variety of measures than the U.S. population as a whole.”

Almost 90% of Black Americans express “absolutely certain belief in God” compared to just over 70% of the total U.S. population. Two other important statistics gleaned from this survey: (1) 80% of Black Americans report that religion is “very important” in their lives as compared to 57% of the general U.S. population; and (2) 55% of Black Americans report that they “interpret scripture literally” as compared to 32% of the general U.S. population.

The PEW study also reported that “Men are significantly more likely than women to claim no religious affiliation. Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation, compared with roughly 13% of women.”

The survey shows a distinct correlation between religion and social attitudes amongst African Americans. “African Americans who are more religiously observant (as defined by frequency of worship service attendance and the importance of religion in their lives), are more likely to oppose abortion and homosexuality, and more likely to report higher levels of conservative ideology.”

What Do The PEW Study Results Mean For Single Black Women?

They mean that:

  • Following the tenets of organized religion is not going to get you anywhere because men are generally not religious.
  • Going to church is not getting you the husband you seek.
  • Going to church is not making you more attractive and interesting to men.
  • Going to church is not where you are going to find eligible bachelors to date.
  • Going to church is not going to teach you to be fiscally responsible, investment savvy, or empower you to achieve greatness as a woman.
  • Going to church is not going to broaden your horizons, make you more tolerant and accepting of all God’s children, nor is it going to encourage you to be free of the chains of patriarchy and oppression of your feminine energy.

Going to church makes you a sheep, blindly following the mandates of a small group of men you have placed in your life in a position of power. Going to church makes you malleable and predictable, and narrows your thinking and thus limits your options.

Going to church for single Black women is a waste of time.

There ARE Single Men in Church, However…”