Tag Archive | abuse

4 Verses for Overcoming a Challenging Childhood

Apr9

gunhilln24My childhood was challenging. I grew up in a tough area in the Bronx where survival was more important than education. Running home from school to avoid fights and gunshots was normal. Then, already in a small apartment, my cousins came to live with us after my uncle, a drug dealer was murdered and my aunt was sent to a recovery program for help with her addiction to crack cocaine. Add-in my ailing grandmother who was struggling with Alzheimer’s and it made for some tough times. But the toughest part by far was when my father left us just shy of my sixteenth birthday.

Often times I felt life wasn’t fair. I didn’t choose these circumstances, I was thrust in to childhood_playgroundthem. And as I grew older these tough childhood experiences created feelings of inadequacy as I thought people would judge me because of where I was from or my broken family. But my childhood experiences could not limit God. God had a plan for my life. He would use me anyway despite where I come from and what shortcomings I had.

downloadMaybe you’ve had a challenging childhood and question God’s purpose for your life. You wonder why you’ve been dealt such a tough hand. You may even feel angry that you have not had some of the same opportunities others have had. Do not let your experiences limit what God can do! God has a plan for you. Despite whatever difficulties you have faced in your childhood – rejection, abandonment, loneliness, abuse, sickness – God has a great plan for you too! A plan to make you great. Adapt a new way of thinking about your future by meditating on these 4 verses:

  1. God has made us what we are, and in our union with Christ Jesus he has created us for a life of good deeds, which he has already prepared for us to do. – Ephesians 2:10 (GNT)
  2. O Lord, you protect and save me; your care has made me great. – Psalm 18:35 (GNT)
  3. Every child of God can defeat the world, and our faith is what gives us this victory. – 1 John 5:4 (CEV)
  4. The thief comes only in order to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come in order that you might have life – life in all its fullness. – John 10:10 (GNT)

NenaPodbury

Nena Podbury is a project associate at American Bible Society. Originally from the Bronx, she has co-authored children’s curriculum and served in children’s ministry for 12 years doing Sidewalk Sunday School. Nena is married with two children, Noah and Emilia.

 

This Caused 3 Women to Die Today

Oct20

octonerMany people don’t know that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month – even though 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime and an average of 3 women die every day at the hands of a current or former intimate partner.  My Tattered Brim (Preciouslyfe) is a 501c3 organization dedicated to supporting survivors of Domestic Violence by  helping to answer the question ‘I’m out of my abusive environment-now what?’. We provide support, education, life skills training and assistance in the navigation of resources of other Domestic Violence agencies we partner with as survivors rebuild their lives. Continue reading →

Forgiveness is not a Fluffy Cloud

Oct13

There was a time that I thought some things were absolutely unforgivable. There was an imaginary scale in my head that weighed the offense and eked out the level of forgiveness 236036486_aa115b80that it was worthy of. I justified my right to own the hatred that I felt for my abusive ex-boyfriend. He had taken enough so I was not willing to give him any more of me, including my forgiveness. My angry mind rationalized that forgiveness would send a message that his actions were OK, even when my reality mind knows that notion isn’t true.

What I have come to grips with is that forgiveness is not an endorsement nor is it a hug wrapped in rainbows, fluffy clouds and harp music. Forgiveness is not a warm fuzzy feeling that puts you in the mindset of running through a field of flowers, smiling with the sun beaming as if you were singing about the hills being alive in the Sound of Music. In spite of how it feels, forgiveness is a choice.

I have heard it said that forgiveness is setting someone free and freedom is not what I wanted for this person. The truth of the matter is that the real prisoner was me.  I was holding myself captive. I stayed bound in my anger where  I was insulated from being in any situation where I could be hurt in anyway. I’ve become supergirl-tv-review-heat-vision-angerhypersensitive, acutely aware and ready to protect my children and me from the slightest external infraction. When looking at life through the lens of this seething anger, you see threats everywhere. A person in a store line accidentally stepping on my daughters foot required quick action to protect her when it was just an accident.

For years I was full of hatred and rage for not only my abuser but also memories of my mothers. I vowed to break the cycle and never have my children, sisters or brothers, nieces or nephews be victims of abuse. Un-forgiveness held me prisoner. The person that I have wished a house to fall on kept on living his life, unaware and probably apathetic to the depth of my hurt, anger and bitterness. To truly be an example, I’ve learned that I need to follow the ultimate example. God himself asks us to forgive those who have wronged us. (Colossians 3:13) Nowhere did I read it was an easy thing to do. As I’ve UnderHerBrim_Blogcommitted to the hard work of forgiveness, releasing my abuser and the dark, ugly pit of anger has made room for the beautiful things like joy, peace, love and gratitude. While forgiveness isn’t always easy it is worth the effort as I reclaim my freedom Under my Tattered Brim.

Purple Purse for Domestic Violence Awareness

Nov1

Financial-Abuse-The-Purple-Purse-Challenge (1)4 women will read this — and one of you will be a victim of Domestic Violence.

Suit up Gladiators! Grab your white cap and purple purse! Our favorite gladiator (for the Scandal watchers) is not only an acclaimed actress who is currently in the role as Olivia Pope, but Kerry Washington now adds handbag designer & Domestic Violence & financial abuse ambassador to her list of accomplishments. Why is the news of another star designing a handbag worthy of My Tattered Brim’s attention? It is newsworthy to us gladiator survivors of domestic violence because of why she did it.  Partnering with with Allstate Foundation, Kerry now shares her time, talent, voice and passion to bring domestic violence & financial abuse out of the shadows and help women break free. Continue reading →

This Moving Company Helps Women Leave Abusive Homes At No Cost

Sep17

When you talk to a person trapped in a domestic violence situation, and they want to get out, one of the things that they areappaluse concerned about is how to move. There are expenses with moving and the same goes for getting out of abusive homes….deposits, movers, logistics, utilities to name a few. Sometimes there are time restraints so thoughts of what can I grab and go come into play and all of it can be overwhelming.

Take a moment and see what others are doing to alleviate this pressure. Tip your brim to the people in the article This Moving Company Helps Women Leave Abusive Homes At No Cost and join me in a round of applause:

This article is amazing and it was worth sharing! Brings a smile to my face to see that there are others out there who want to help address the issues of Domestic Violence as I look out from Under my Tattered Brim.  ba207db8f332e0333d73cac9283545d6

BABY GOT CLASS!

Sep3

Under Her Brim wishes all students an amazing school year. We salute and thank our unsung heroes who are dedicated to educating or babies…. our Teachers for all that you do. Parents get your dance on and celebrate from Under your Brim….#babygotclass

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Flying Vitamins??!!

Jul15

Bottle-of-Pills1

I ducked as the amber medicine bottle whizzed past my head with such force the sound came after it had passed, like a jet fighter plane. I heard it find its unintended target as it shattered against the wall and vitamins scattered everywhere as if they were being shot out of the wall. OMG!! What if I didn’t duck!! He threw that right AT me! Wait….did that just happen? I stood numb….still…..dumb….in shock with a glimmer of hope that this was a bad dream that I would wake from.  As I started thawing from the numbness, fear, shock and adrenaline all brewed together into a brew of deep dark anger….did that mutha just throw my prenatal vitamins at me?  The question now becomes a bold declaration…I KNOW that mutha#$%&%^*  didn’t just throw ANYTHING at me.  One of us isn’t getting out of here Ta-DAY!

Continue reading →

YOU don’t Need to Pray

May31

While working one evening at the Domestic Violence shelter, one of the team members came and got me because there was a pastors wife that they wanted me to talk to. As an organization with government funding, naturally they are not allowed to speak on faith and religion; however as a volunteer, I could.

I left the office and went into the living room where I met this beautiful woman who had the kindest face and very soft voice. We made small talk after the introductions and she began to share with me how she finally got the nerve to leave her abusive husband, a church pastor and police officer. While some would stop here and say ‘oh my A-Prayer-For-Yougoodness! but a PASTOR?’, know that abusers are from all walks of life, socioeconomic statuses and professions. This didn’t come as a surprise to me. Preciouslyfe Ministries (now My Tattered Brim) was created because there was little discussion (if any) in the church about domestic violence. There were few safe places for the church members and leaders to say ‘I’m being abused’ where they could get help and not ridicule. The more I trained in DV counseling, the more I could identify and recognize the signs of abuse and would see evidence of it all around me, even in the church. Continue reading →

This firefighter-paramedic proposed to the domestic violence victim he helped save

May15

Did you see this article? A victorious Survivor! Hey you…yes, YOU reading this….You ARE amazing! ~ Stay Fabulous!

by Elahe Izadi

safe_imageMelissa Dohme — a domestic violence survivor and advocate — stepped to the plate and prepared to throw out the first pitch at Monday night’s Tampa Bay Rays game. Her boyfriend, Cameron Hill, ran out on the field and handed her the ball. Scribbled on it were four words: “Will you marry me?”

A surprised Dohme kissed Hill, marveled at her ring and somehow still managed to throw the pitch.

She also said yes.

The pair first crossed paths on Jan. 24, 2012. Dohme had been stabbed 32 times by her ex-boyfriend. Hill, a firefighter-paramedic, found Dohme covered in blood and on the pavement outside of her house in Clearwater.

“It was so bad. You couldn’t tell she was blond,” Hill told the Tampa Bay Times in 2013. Hill loaded Dohme onto the helicopter. He later said “for some reason, I didn’t think it would be the last time I was going to see her.”

Dohme’s ex-boyfriend, Robert Lee Burton Jr., had stabbed her repeatedly in the face and neck. Two bystanders called 911 during the horrific attack that began when Burton came by Dohme’s house to give her a hug, according to prosecutors.

Burton pleaded guilty to attempted murder and was sentenced to life without parole.

[Nearly a third of U.S. women have experienced domestic violence]

“Both of their lives will never be the same,” the judge said during the sentencing hearing.

But, Dohme told WFLA in 2013: “By a miracle, I am still here.”

From the Tampa Bay Times:

Melissa, then 20, spent three weeks in the hospital, flat-lining four times and suffering nerve damage that partly paralyzed one side of her face. To the surprise of her doctors, she left rehab walking on her own. She traveled to Europe. She went back to school, her drive to become a nurse even stronger.

In the fall of 2012, two of her first responders surprised her when she spoke at a church. Cameron was one. They hugged, and made plans to meet again.

“I had this feeling about him,” she said.

By December, the two were dating. Dohme said in 2013 that part of her doesn’t want to be upset anymore about what happened in 2012 “because I met Cameron out of it.”

Dohme went on to become an advocate for domestic violence survivors and repeatedly shared her story about tragedy and triumph. She threw the first pitch at Monday’s game as a representative of Hands Across the Bay, a nonprofit supporting Tampa Bay families.

“If you believe there’s good in the world then you’ll find it,” Dohme said in 2013. “I believe he’s the answer to my prayers that I’ve prayed all the time.”

Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/early-lead/wp/2015/05/12/emt-proposes-at-rays-game-to-domestic-violence-victim-he-helped-save/

What about the Children??

May14

Children_Hugging_307Last night I had the pleasure of attending a film screening of #PIFVA (Philadelphia Independent Film & Video Association)members. The works presented were thought provoking, entertaining and challenged my conventional thinking on a subject I thought I knew so well. I am not a movie critic so I won’t blab on telling you about each one. Know that they were all awesome (especially the one with my talented cousin – ok, I’m biased!!) but I encourage you to check out PIFVA to see when the next one is or what they are about. domestic-violence-children

Anywwwhoooo – there was one film that made me think about how society has a knee-jerk reaction of instant images of a battered woman when hearing the term domestic violence. Campaigns are headed up by major corporations, the marketing team coins a catchy slogan….but what about the children? What about the child cowering in the closet watching his/her mother being punched in the face by their father? The siblings that cling to one another in fear when awoken from their sleep by the screams of their mother? What are they learning about love, conflict, communication, boundaries, esteem and relationships? Domestic Violence is ugly. The ripple effects impact many and the scars are deep for the adults and for the children. I think to my own childhood and the horrific things that I witnessed and wish that there was someone speaking for me as I look at the world from Under my Tattered Brim!

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