Archive | September 2014

The Tennis Match Under my Brim

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…….There’s a storm out…..over the ocean….and it’s mooooovvvvvvinnng thisa way………if your souls not ankered in Jeee-suss, you will shorrrl-eeeee, drift aaaaa-waaaaaayyy.

That is what was being sang….but what I heard were nails screeching down a chalkboard. I mentally smacked my lips, there is always that one who wants to make a Luther ooooh-hoooo-hooooohhhh sound messing up the whole song. As soon as I thought it, I could feel my lips turn into a thin straight line with a ) on the end of it. Without saying a word, I heard the look on my friend’s face (let’s call her Helene). It was saying girl….get that stank look off of your face, the whole church can see you. 

My brain went back and forth in a conversation within my own thoughts as if in a tennis match…the spiritual man jumped in…my focus is supposed to be on God, not on the LutherWannaBe or Fake Patti LaBelle. Jesus, help me to focus on you. Serve – My flesh fought it (right in the pulpit!) yeah, it would be a lot easier to focus on God if this foolishness wasn’t flouncing around in front of you. The spiritual side returned the thought over the net with power…Jesus said if I be lifted up, I will draw all men unto me. Where does it say anything about the people? Nothing so ignore them and shift your focus.

While this tennis match is going on in my head….my facial expression CANNOT change. If a fly lands on my nose, I cannot flinch. I can’t blink and have to constantly tell all of the players in the tennis match not to mess with the face so that it could keep one look on it and not distract anyone in the congregation. With all that going on in your head, how in the heck are you supposed to receive a word?

Not to mention that it is most certainly a skill and Lord knows not my gift.  Anyone who knew me well could read me with a glance. It was nothing for me to rebuke my kids with an eyebrow lift while walking to the microphone, turning to Proverbs to read the scripture lesson. Unfortunately, those who don’t know you and have decided that they don’t like you will read all kinds of craziness into you just using a tissue to wipe your eye. So you quickly learn as a First Lady, that you are expected to glue a smile on your face and nod in agreement like a bobble-head doll on the dashboard of a Jeep bouncing through the mountains. Whatever is going on in your head, you need to learn how to keep that under your brim.

Dating Expert Claims Black Churches Keep African American Women Single and Lonely

While migrating our posts from our other site to here, there was discussions about keeping this one or letting it go. As the Diva of the crew I said to keep it so that we can discuss what the ‘experts’ say in our Girlfriend Question of the Day section.

So here it is….what do you think. Is this true or false….


SOURCE (EURWEB) Dating expert, advice columnist and author Deborrah Cooper blasts traditional Black churches and charges that they are the root cause for the high numbers of single Black women in the U.S.

With all the media coverage (CNN, Nightline, NY Times, ABC) of the “plight” of the single black woman, and the blaming of Black women for being single, this author felt it past time to examine other reasons which could be important contributors to this sad statistic:

“Black women have an inordinate amount of faith in both Black men and Black churches. My position is that such blind and unwavering faith in either is misplaced.

It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive to and inferior to men, greatly limits females.

Single Black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brainwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them. Who is doing this to Black women? The male standing at the front of the Church in the role of spiritual leader, that’s who!

This is the true reason that there are so many single, never married Black women in the United States – Black churches. Black women should abandon Black churches and focus more on themselves, their needs and those of their children than those of Black men or a religion which Black men use to castigate and control an entire race of women.

Single Black Females in Church

Black females have long been considered the backbone of the Black community and the cornerstone of their families and churches. But what is the real price Black women have paid to wear this crown of fool’s gold?

An examination of any congregation of the average Black church shows that single Black females fill the pews. Results of a recent study “African Americans and Religion” by the PEW Research Center’s Forum on Religion and Public Life found that “African Americans are markedly more religious on a variety of measures than the U.S. population as a whole.”

Almost 90% of Black Americans express “absolutely certain belief in God” compared to just over 70% of the total U.S. population. Two other important statistics gleaned from this survey: (1) 80% of Black Americans report that religion is “very important” in their lives as compared to 57% of the general U.S. population; and (2) 55% of Black Americans report that they “interpret scripture literally” as compared to 32% of the general U.S. population.

The PEW study also reported that “Men are significantly more likely than women to claim no religious affiliation. Nearly one-in-five men say they have no formal religious affiliation, compared with roughly 13% of women.”

The survey shows a distinct correlation between religion and social attitudes amongst African Americans. “African Americans who are more religiously observant (as defined by frequency of worship service attendance and the importance of religion in their lives), are more likely to oppose abortion and homosexuality, and more likely to report higher levels of conservative ideology.”

What Do The PEW Study Results Mean For Single Black Women?

They mean that:

  • Following the tenets of organized religion is not going to get you anywhere because men are generally not religious.
  • Going to church is not getting you the husband you seek.
  • Going to church is not making you more attractive and interesting to men.
  • Going to church is not where you are going to find eligible bachelors to date.
  • Going to church is not going to teach you to be fiscally responsible, investment savvy, or empower you to achieve greatness as a woman.
  • Going to church is not going to broaden your horizons, make you more tolerant and accepting of all God’s children, nor is it going to encourage you to be free of the chains of patriarchy and oppression of your feminine energy.

Going to church makes you a sheep, blindly following the mandates of a small group of men you have placed in your life in a position of power. Going to church makes you malleable and predictable, and narrows your thinking and thus limits your options.

Going to church for single Black women is a waste of time.

There ARE Single Men in Church, However…”

My Natural Hair: An Afro-Colombiana’s confession of love and acceptance

We’ve all read stories and hair-tales of women who decided to grow their hair natural (meaning no chemical relaxers). I am

64a6f97893f708872f13ae69b02204151-200x300one of them. And currently going strong, two years in my natural-ness to be exact.

Though I have to admit, my initial reason to embark in this “journey” wasn’t entirely for deep and profound self-enlightenment. Yes, I wanted to embrace my natural beauty and appreciate the attributes I was born with. But in essence my main reasons for going natural were cost and the Afro-Centric social awareness which was happening around 2009; awareness such as, Chris Rock’s movie “Good Hair”.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a genuine desire to express myself as GOD has created me. But to “keep it real”, without the economical incentive, I may have never gotten over the hump from a thought to actually doing.

Nevertheless, regardless of how I got here the fact is that I am here. And I couldn’t be prouder for making the decision. The experience has been surprisingly empowering. My smile is a little bigger and my head is raised a bit higher. And yes, I know it’s not my natural hair giving me special powers. Lol can you imagine (Natural Woman!!). I think it’s simply being able to step out of my comfort zone that gave me the ability to say “hey I accept myself as I am” and THAT had a reflective effect on my self-image.

But I wouldn’t be telling the whole truth if I didn’t share how loving my kinkiness has come with its own set of challenges along the way. What challenges you ask, well…

–Like many young girls of color, my mother started straightening my hair when I was young. The idea of caring for my natural hair was foreign to me and I had to get reacquainted with my hair texture

–Although, natural hair care is suppose to be more cost effective, when you’re not knowledgeable of taking care of your hair you still end up spending money on services and products. And depending on where you go, natural hair services can cost more than regular services.

–Textured hair comes in many different curl patterns, I learned the hard way. Oh yea, I’m a mix of 4B and 4C texture

–Contrary to popular belief, kinkier hair is more prone to tangling and breakage. Making it more sensitive than any other hair texture

–Last but not least, HAIR SHRINKAGE!!!! (this is when moisture comes into contact and hair retracts from its elongated state to a tighter curl pattern.)

All in all, it took some trial and error. But ultimately after lots of patience I learned to care and LOVE my hair. I adore my curl pattern, my thickness and the styling versatility.

This is a decision I’m glad I made. One thing that has become abundantly clear to me is that everyone has an opinion about hair. Whether natural, chemically treated, weaved-up or whatever — do what makes YOU happy.

I’m proud to be an Afro-Latina. This is who I am – every kinky, thick, curly part of me.


Written by: Paola Gonzalez

Twitter: @Afro-Colombiana

http://blacklatinamovement.com/blog/


Under Her Brim extends special Thanks to Black Latina Movement for permission to share this with our readers!

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