People that know me will be nodding their heads to what I am about to say – in the past I was NOT a fan of Iyanla Vanzant. There…. I said it out-loud. Nope, I did not like the award winning, Oprah validated, Sistah Friend, Yesterday I Cried, In the Valley author.  I can almost hear you saying – “WHAT? Iyanla is awesome, Diva you are out of touch….not like Iyanla….there is something really wrong with you…! Where is the sisterly love and support in that?” My feelings were based on her philosophy of the Universe and not God formulated my opinion of her. It was that simple. Judge if you want, my thoughts, my views, my opinion. Daddy used to say they (opinions) are like bellybuttons (he used a different anatomic part but I’m going to keep it clean) everybody has one.

However, as ‘life’ happened to Iyanla – I’ve seen a change, I hear her acknowledging God, I see a more genuine spirit of love in her and as a ‘fruit inspector’ I am seeing more in her fruit than in her eloquence of speech and her signature endearing term that she calls everyone  – Beloved.

Now with that out of the way, let’s move on to what is under this former First Lady Brim.  ¹In an episode of “Iyanla: Fix My Life,” Iyanla travels to Louisiana to help a couple in crisis. The husband, a pastor, admits to cheating on his wife with about 20 women over the course of his 10-year marriage. Many of his mistresses are members of his congregation… and one of these women gave birth to his child. His wife, Natashia, wrote to Iyanla asking for help in deciding whether to stay or to go.

After months of living apart from her husband, Natashia now says she needs Iyanla’s help to “get clarity.” “How in the world am I 35 years old and I’m married to someone who has done these things?” says Natashia. “I’m at a point that I don’t know what to do.”

In this episode during her conversation with Natashia,  Iyanla makes a profound statement. You sold  yourself out for a first lady hat and a parking space. I thought to myself…WOW – Iyanla is profound, what an excellent point!

Soon I found myself just a-preaching to Natasha through the tv about how she is worth so much more…shaking my head about her esteem level, questioning her tolerance and acceptance while wagging my finger with hand firmly planted on my hip. Somewhere in that moment my encouraging of this poor misguided Natashia…my mutterings of  ”Imma pray for her” ….wait a second…. I stopped. What have I sold myself out for?

I turned all of the judgement cloaked in concern, the encouraging energies, the prayers and examinations that I had for Natashia, the head shaking and umph…umph…umphs with eye rollings and I did a self inspection of my own life. The statement in itself – YOU sold YOURSELF out was profound. It put the responsibility of my choices on no one else ….but YOU (me).

Take a moment and look under your own brim and honestly ask yourself, what have you sold yourself out for and what are you going to do to change it?>

¹Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/10/fix-my-life-iyanla-vanzant-cheating-pastor_n_2104695.html